What is domestic abuse?
Domestic abuse is any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse by a partner or family member.
Domestic abuse is a crime and includes all relationships. It can be hard to know if you’re experiencing domestic abuse. The below questions could help you recognise the signs of harmful behaviour. If you are concerned about any of the below questions, please contact us.
It’s not just you.
Did you know, thanks to Clare’s Law, you have the right to ask if your partner has an abusive past? Anyone can ask- whether something is off in your relationship or you are a close friend, neighbour or family member.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is when the perpetrator has physically caused you harm by any means. It does not matter if your abuser has not ‘raised a hand’ to you, if they have physically hurt you in any way, this is physical abuse. This includes cutting your hair against your will.
Psychological Abuse
Psychological abuse is where the perpetrator ‘gets inside your head’. They can make you feel like you’re not good enough, or make you doubt your own sanity. Coercive control and gaslighting fall under this category.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse is when you are touched in a way you feel uncomfortable with, or made to do sexual things, which you do not like and did not give consent to. If you are coerced or forced to have sex, this is rape, even if you are in a relationship. Being in a relationship does not mean that someone has access to your body – only you can give access to your body.
Economic abuse
Financial abuse, also called economic abuse, is where the abuser uses money as a form of control. There are many ways this abuse can manifest, but examples include restricting access to your own bank account, having the amount of money you’re ‘allowed’ controlled by your abuser, or running up bills or debt in your name. The majority of abusive relationships have experienced financial abuse at some point. Stephanie owned her own home and a successful business until she met her partner. Find out what happened here.
Coercive control
Coercive control is a behaviour where the abuser uses ongoing oppression to instill fear. This can be a much more subtle form of abuse, such as telling you which friends you can or can’t see, texting you repeatedly to find out where you are, and telling you you’re overreacting if you try and address this behaviour (also known as ‘gaslighting’). Although this abuse does not leave physical bruises, it is still domestic abuse, and is a law in its own right in England.
Honour based and forced marriages
In some communities, the concept of ‘honour’ is taken very seriously. This is where you must behave in a way to not bring the family’s name into disrepute. When an act or behaviour occurs which is seen to compromise this honour, there can be consequences in the form of physical or emotional abuse. This counts as domestic abuse.
Forced marriage is when you are forced to marry someone you do not want to marry, and do not consent to.
To find out more about ‘honour’-based abuse and forced marriages, visit Karma Nirvana.
Emma* contacted us after experiencing horrific abuse at the hands of her partner. The abuse included stalking, rape and intentional strangulation.
Am I experiencing domestic abuse?
It can be hard to know if you’re experiencing domestic abuse, especially if your relationship is all you’ve known, or if their behaviour is changable, but read through the questions below, and if the answer is “yes” to any of them – you have experienced domestic abuse.
- Have they tried to stop you from seeing your friends or family?
- Have they partner stopped, or tried to stop you from studying or working?
- Do they constantly check up on you or follow you?
- Does your partner get jealous, for example accusing you of flirting or of having affairs with others?
- Does your partner belittle or humiliate you, or regularly criticise or insult you?
- Are you ever afraid of your partner?
- Have you ever changed your behaviour because you are afraid of what your partner might do or say to you?
- Have you ever changed your clothing because of something your partner said, or out of fear of their reaction?
- Have they ever deliberately broken or damaged any of your possessions?
- Have they ever hurt or threatened you or your family?
- Have they ever forced you to do something that you really did not want to do?
- Have they ever tried to prevent you from taking necessary medication, or seeking medical help when you felt you needed it?
- Have they ever tried to threaten you about your immigration status?
- Have they ever threatened to tell your family about your sexuality?
- Have they ever threatened to take your children away if you left them?
- Have they ever made you participate in sexual activities that you were uncomfortable with?
- Have they ever tried to stop you from leaving the room, or your house?
- Does your partner blame their use of alcohol or drugs, mental health condition or family or relationship history for their behaviour?
Call for help now
0808 2800 999
Open Monday - Friday 9.30am - 4.30pm (Closed for half an hour at lunch at 1pm)
Our One Front Door helpline is completely free and confidential, and the call will not show up on itemised bills.
Leave the abuse, not your home
"The day I rang for help [was] the day I realised it was time for me to leave...The day I was accepted [to refuge] I had my full life in four bin bags and some toys I managed to grab." Kayleigh.
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